Doubt

A friend can plant a seed of doubt or eliminate it.  Doubt is normal when we walk through difficult decisions.  For women it is even normal to doubt ourselves in daily choices...getting my hair done or buying a new pair of shoes causes me to call my girlfriend and see what she thinks.  We want affirmation from others on whether we have made a good decision. I imagine men look for that same confirmation in their friendships as well.

Doubt is just fear standing in the way of the decision moving you forward.  If I spend my time second guessing whether I should have gone through with the divorce, whether I should have had a different attorney, or whether I should have agreed to other terms, then, I am reliving those moments over and over again, and I lack the clarity and sureness to make decisions for my present situation.   I begin losing self-confidence at whether I can make a good decision at all.   

Choosing advice wisely will help eliminate doubt in the future.  Did you confide in a friend throughout the process of your divorce who was sure they had all the answers and often coached you on what to do next?  Maybe they had been through a divorce and their intentions seemed good, but they were coaching you though tainted glass.  Or, did you have a friend who listened to all the drama that unfolded during your separation and heard you share your deepest hurts and then replied, “I know you will do the right thing, and I am here if you need me?”  Possibly, they even prayed with you and led you to some great resources for help and encouragement.  The first friend planted seeds of doubt by telling you what to do.  And now, you second guess those decisions because they were not your own ideas.  The second friend eliminated doubt because they were helping you to heal by listening and by leading you to some credible resources.  No matter which one you can relate to, cut yourself a little slack today.  We have all doubted the process we chose and the choices we made at some point along this path to divorce. God's providential will allows us to choose, and His desire is for our healing and blessing. 

The good news is that when you begin living in the promise of Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”  then your doubt will be replaced with faith which removes fear from your choices.  You are making good decisions. You are reading this book and on the path that leads to self-confidence and healing. James 1:6 tells us that doubt causes us to be like a wave of the sea tossed and blown back and forth by the wind.  Do you feel angry one minute and just want your spouse to pay a price for the hurt you feel and then the next moment you just want to be in his arms and feel the pain go away?  You want your marriage back the way it was when things were good. That's not too much to ask. You find yourself saying, "What have I done?”  That feeling is doubt.  Your past does not have to determine your future unless you allow it to.  Beyond doubt there is clarity, and clarity will come when you give yourself the "benefit of the doubt" this time and allow the Spirit of God to help you make decisions from this point on.