Vows to Volcanic Eruption

In a second marriage there is little time for a honeymoon. Most couples jump right into family life full of children, challenges, financial woes and drama that already existed before their love was born.  I don't even want to know the rate of divorce for second marriages. I will not be included in that one. So, how do blended families survive chaos? (We plan to laugh a bunch, drink a lot of coffee and red wine and escape now and then...haha)

Well...I am glad to report I haven't experienced any real "volcanic eruption" since I said "I do", but I have heard a few stories of the challenges some families face when they merge two very different sets of circumstances together. I have been asked several times to give my thoughts on blending families in a second marriage.  While I can not give any physiological insight or even stories from years of personal experience, I can give you some thoughts from the "good intent" of my heart.  Ask me in a couple of months or few years down the road...and I may have an entirely different answer...lol...but so far, so good.  Actually, I should just be claiming victory in the name of Jesus...knowing this was His plan to begin with.  I keep pinching myself and thanking God daily for His gift of restoration in my life!  No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes along the way. Praise God...He is faithful to complete the "perfect work" He started in us!

Having only been married just over two weeks now...I am hardly an expert, so this is more like journaling on the topic rather than solid reasoning...Here is what I do believe.  When you remarry and bring your children together under the same roof it is important to treat them in the ways you always have and accept your children right where they are in their stages of development.  Life doesn't always afford us "comfort to change" on our own time frame.  However, we can be in tune to the love language of our children and help them to adjust within their comfort level. There may be changes you would like to make as a couple in raising your new family together. You can begin praying and sharing parenting ideas, in private, to help each other become the best parent possible. When you love one another with all your heart it is easy to love each others' children just the same. They are an extension of the one you love.  Being sensitive to the changes everyone must face is key, but being careful not to draw attention to negative behavior is, also, critically important. (We all get a little jealous of time spent with others now and then...it's actually endearing, I think) There is some truth in what you ignore will go away...not always...don't get me wrong...I am not advocating lack of consequences for disobedience...but, there are times that a child will take attention even if it's in a negative form. When that negativity doesn't get them the desired attention...it goes away on its' own.  I do believe that love conquers all and will indeed win in the end.  God gave you a second chance on love, and He will provide peace for your family. Be patient. When your children see the respect and love you and your spouse share it will be easier for them to come together and enjoy the journey. Solicit advice and helpful ideas from trusted friends.  There are many good sources available on the topic, too. Don't force what should come naturally. It is obvious when it is not working naturally.  I have already watched my own children go through changes in just a few weeks...changes of healing and hope for a brighter future.

We have encouraged our children to write out their thoughts and have shared with them that they are not being replaced in our hearts by our love for each other. We have been careful to keep to our same routines so that everyone feels comfortable. Making positive that they know...that neither parent takes the place of their own mother or father...has been part of our reassurance that they are secure. Sharing with them the joys of opening their heart to new and exciting experiences will create a safe and confident place for them to grow and learn to extend love to others. I also think much more is caught than taught. For adults, as well as kids, no matter how hard we try...sometimes our feelings just don't line up with what we know.  I so appreciate my husband for his quiet, peaceful love, respect, and admiration for me and for my girls. His wisdom and discernment encourage me daily. This type of example provides steady reinforcement of healthy relationships within our family.  If one parent is overbearing or has unrealistic expectations of the children it is harder for them to work through the change.

I believe children want the "family unit" back in tact...maybe it wasn't ever "in tact" to begin with, and they are searching for what they have never experienced.  Either way, it is natural to resist what you don't know but yet desire to have. Again, be patient. God is in the business of miracles, and when your heart is in line with His...He will show you great and mighty things!  It is safe to say that both you and your new mate are desiring a "fresh start." This fresh start covers more than just the way you are loved and show love.  I imagine, like me, you desire changes in your family, finances, spiritual walk, emotional and even physical health.  When you walk away from unhealthy patterns of the past you will naturally avoid "volcanic eruption" in your home because you are headed toward peace and away from drama.  Now, just because you steer clear of "volcanic eruption" in your home doesn't mean your family blending won't cause some explosion in those around you.  In this case...prayer and more prayer.  Not everyone will come on board or even be willing to support you.  Some people are definitely in your life for a season.  When the seasons change, so do people.  Life certainly isn't always easy and some decisions are tough to make.  When you find a partner whom you love and is willing to take their life journey with you...even the tough stuff seems a lot more bearable!  When discipline, parenting, dealing with ex-spouses or finances get sticky...remember to talk through everything, pray without fail and love one another every step of the way.  The problems of today are often replaced by new problems of tomorrow.  It's all in how you handle them that makes the difference.  When you say, "I do"....for the second time it often brings a whole new meaning to "death do us part."   For me...my past circumstances have created a deeper level of commitment than I ever knew possible. Hardship does make you stronger, wiser and more able to love those around you...if you let it.

 The Vow...great movie!

I vow to not only face but receive anything in this world with a belief that God has a purpose for it, faith that I will survive it, hope that life will become brighter and a love that overlooks wrong, transcends time and runs deep in my soul.

Just for fun...a great family fun series!