Excited Misery

Excited misery is what I call..."happy living in drama."  I actually read several books years back on codependency that addressed this very topic. These books as well as my own life experience is where my thoughts are derived from. I am in no way shape or form living without any drama in my life, but I am learning to minimize it.

When is the last time you remember being in the middle of some one's drama?  Here are a few examples: Work: discussing favorites of the supervisor, gossip about lazy or inadequate employees, rumors of affairs within the workplace, criticism of what co-workers do on their days off...Friendships: talk of who's child is the instigator of all fighting and tattling...gossip about parenting and discipline skills...relationships you are trying to fix or break up...Family: hurt feelings of "he said, she said", money owed or "mine" mentality...I don't have to explain all of these for you to identify with something.  I'm sure you get it. 

If you feel like you are always living in drama you may have become comfortable living in excited misery.  You could be addicted to negative reality shows, soap operas, talk shows that are always unveiling paternity tests on air and more nonsense. If it's not your own personal drama it can make you feel alive and excited.  It gets you all worked up...a high emotional experience.  When there is no drama...you feel life is boring.  So, you may even make trouble for others and create the drama yourself.  On the other hand if it's your own drama you are living in...then you actually may be the unhealthy person at the moment.  I can relate.  I lived in drama many years...as I became more and more aware of the cycle I was living in...it was easier to recognize and replace the drama with healthy choices and behavior.

Many people have lived a life of drama for so long that it has become all they know.  As a child they lived in an angry, abusive or neglectful home.  They learned how to cope in this environment and so it became their norm.  Others lived in a marriage or relationship that was unfaithful, argumentative, complacent or manipulative.  They learned to define how they were loved by this behavior, and now the way they love others is through this same excited misery.  You have often heard that we treat the ones closest to us in the worst of ways.  I believe there is truth to that.  We know what to expect in the climax of the situation...and we survived, so we feel comfortable there.  Regardless of whether it is  healthy for us...we often stay for a long time... because what we know somehow seems better than what we fear.  Fear is the absence of faith.  When you put your trust and faith in God and realize He has an abundant life for you the more the fear will disintegrate.  You will then be willing to step out of your comfort zone into the unknown.  The sooner you replace the drama with a life of peace, the sooner you will find you can get excited by healthy choices.

Having a job you love and being in relationships that are healthy will give you the freedom to say, "no" to unhealthy people. The more you do this the more the life of peace becomes your norm. You will begin to recognize unhealthy people that need to be kept at a distance.  You have the right to expect good things and appropriate behavior from others, but to expect healthy behavior from unhealthy people is futile. It is ok to let go!

I love Albert Einstein's definition of  insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. You become like the people you spend the most time with.  If you have children and you are allowing them to see you model this unhealthy drama then they will repeat the same pattern.  Life is too short and it's uncertain how many days we have on earth.  Live them with the excited expectancy of love, joy and peace.