Delete

When I delete something from my computer it means it no longer has value to me.  I have no use for it.  Webster’s dictionary defines it as “to eliminate especially by blotting out, cutting out, or erasing.  We live in a world where deleting is easy.  It is a click of a button on your keyboard, a swipe of an eraser on the white board or paper.  We can white out, crumble up and throw away, or even shred documents in the blink of an eye.  Voicemail, and text messages disappear with the touch of our finger.  

As I recall the day I stood before the judge to end my marriage commitment, I could hear words like dissolve and nullify and see words on paper such as render, void and repeal.  All of these words were so easy and quick to use but held such permanent powers.  All I could do was cry.  The vow I had made before God and witnesses the day I was married was only to be destroyed by death.  Now, it was being wiped clean by written and verbal words of obliteration.  Dissolving my marriage was a negative experience to say the least, but when I began to look at the freedom that it afforded me, I was able to realize the power that those words carried was not all negative or permanent.   

When we remove hardware from our computer or overloaded emails from our inbox our computer begins to work faster and at its’ intended speed.  When we erase hurtful words or actions from our memory we are able to replace them with words of joy and positive experiences.  For some of us we are now able to now work faster, better, and with our intended talents. 

Take an inventory of the experiences from your marriage that you need to delete.  Blot out the arguing, hurtful words, breakdowns in communication, and acts of rudeness or selfishness, and begin saving a file of the great memories:  the fun vacations, the birth of children, the milestones reached, and any early marriage experiences that brought you joy.  Dissolving your marriage does not delete the good memories that you have.  No one can take those from you.  Hold on to them and share them with your children.  Allow yourself to be blessed by the joys you once had in your marriage, and freely use the accessible delete button to get rid of the pain and experiences that keep you tied to past failure.  Also, there is no need to keep the trash file filled and overflowing so that you can look through what you already discarded.  Doing so will keep you living in the past and unable to see the future ahead.

Be careful that you don't throw valuable memories in the shred pile because of your hurt feelings.  I got rid of some keepsakes because at the time I thought it would erase the pain and constant reminder of what I had lost.  I thought they had no value to me anymore.  But, I found later that I had wished I saved them for my children.  In getting rid of them, I was throwing away some of the few good memories I really wanted to keep.  Just while I was typing this page my 8 year old daughter was digging through a drawer where she found a framed wedding picture.  She said, “Hey mom, can I please wear this dress when I get married?  It's so pretty.”  Am I ever glad I didn’t sell it when it was listed on ebay!

In one sense, it can be impossible to truly forget or selectively "delete" events from our memory.  But, the Bible tells us that God does not "remember" our sin (Hebrews 8:12). God is all-knowing.  God knows that we have sinned and fallen short of His glory. (Romans 3:23).  However, He treats us as if the sin had not ever occurred.  God does not hold our sins against us.  In that same sense when we forgive ourselves and our ex-husband, we must act as if that sin had never occurred. We remember the sin, but we live in the future as if we did not remember it. We use the delete button.