Someday...Now

If your day is anything like mine it is packed full of things to do and places to go.  The time on the clock always runs out before I am finished crossing things off my list. My list is made up of  non-negotiable things first, important responsibilities next and finally my wishful thinking.  The dreams and hopeful ideas, sadly, never make it on the daily "to-do's."

Do you find yourself saying, "Someday, I will"....and you fill in the blank.  Maybe on your someday...you will travel to another state or country, see the ocean or the mountains, ride a horse or fly in an airplane.  You could read a novel or write one.  Someday you will get around to scrap-booking all your family photos or painting beautiful portraits.  Here is a familiar one...someday you will fit into those clothes again.  You might even say someday we will spend time together or we should really visit mom and dad or an old friend from the past.  Our "someday" is today.  "Someday" is now.  If you don't act on it...time, very well, may run out. 

I encourage you to do what you can each day to make your "some days" a reality, and live life to the fullest.  Break those big goals down to a daily plan of action that will get you to your end result...and once in a while crumble up the list, reward yourself and fulfill a dream from the "someday plan!"  It will energize you and help you understand that there is a valuable purpose to what you do daily. You will find that your white picket fence is bigger than you ever imagined.  I know of a man who has a white picket fence around everything he owns.  His wealth is shown by his property far and wide. And his white picket fence is defined by what he owns not what he did.  I like to make a list of all my dreams that have come to pass...and all the people that were a part of them...and imagine a white picket fence around all of it.  My success is not measured by what I own, but by the lives I have touched.  What is your success measured by?  Your someday is now!  "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."~ Thoreau

With A Warmth You Can't Imagine....

Have you ever been so cold you just can't get warm not matter what?  You try putting on more clothes or drinking something hot, yet the cold follows you all day long.  Sometimes our insecurities can be just like that feeling.  They follow us all day long.  Confident looking or warm on the outside but insecure or cold on the inside. We try to mask them by what we say or how we dress, but they are still there.  When we focus on helping others we give a back seat to those insecurities.  As a matter of fact, when we use our talents and strengths to benefit others we actually warm up. We become confident. What we think as insignificant others will appreciate beyond what's imaginable.  Try opening doors for others, help an elderly person at the grocery store, or lend a listening ear to someone who is hurting.  Offer your job skills...for free...to a friend in need, help a neighbor with a project, or even read a book to a child.  It doesn't really matter what it is...it just matters that it was given freely and unconditionally.  When you do this, you will be filled with a warmth you can't imagine.  The insecurities and coldness that normally follow you will be replaced with a confidence and a fire that is a blessing to others.  I love sitting in front of the fireplace and drinking a hot cup of coffee.  I enjoy the heat of a candle or the rays of the sun on my back.  I love warm sand between my toes and a hot shower.  I prefer to eat my dinner hot rather than cold.  I like to relax under a heating blanket and feel the comfort of fuzzy socks.  And, who can pass up a heated car seat?  The hot water in a jacuzzi is pretty inviting too.  I can keep racking up this list of warm creature comforts that I love, but when I see the smile of a child, hear a sincere thank you from a friend, or help a stranger unaware...when I give of my time and talents with no expectation of a return...I experience warmth in my soul...and that NEVER gets cold.  During the next few days I hope you are filled with a "warmth you can't imagine"....you will know when you experience it, and your lack of confidence and insecurities will soon be replaced with a desire to help others and not only warm their soul but set a fire in yours!

"I Love My Life"

How do we get to the point in life where we shout out, "I love my life?"  I listened to some incredible speeches given by people who are very successful, and I heard this statement reiterated over and over again.  The smiles beaming from ear to ear, the passion in their voice and the charge to live it out yourself was clear to all who heard. One commonality that I picked up on was nothing they had in life was taken for granted.  Everything and everyone was a gift.  I also knew some previous background on the speakers and was aware that their journey to this statement was not without temptations, challenges, and roadblocks.  In some of their stories I heard hardships that no one cares to repeat. They had financial disasters, grief, physical and emotional set backs and some of the speakers would even be considered the underdog or the least likely to succeed.  Now these strong leaders have some victories, some lessons learned, and many prizes for finishing the course.  You see, these dreamers never quit.  Not only did they dream but they put action to their dreams.  They worked hard, they got help, they kept going when others stopped right in front of them.  That might create a mind picture of pain, but these entrepreneurs smiled and laughed along the journey and during those toughest times they learned to draw strength from their creator, Jesus Christ.  He gave them strength. He gave them rest. He gave them peace in the storm. He gave them tenacity. He gave them power partners and encouragers and He gave them shoulders to cry on when they needed it the most.  It didn't stop there.  Because of their belief and trust in God to help them, they were able to reap the rewards of their physical labor here on earth.  We may not always have the privilege of collecting the reward of a job well done here on earth, but I do believe when we have a personal encounter with the Christ of Galilee(read about the Master of ministry in the New Testament) every thing we say and do will go hand in hand....these speakers encountered Christ on their journey. They were the recipients of His blessings and they could shout, "I Love My Life."  Don't you want to be the recipient of His blessings?  Begin looking at each day and everyone in it as a gift!  If you are having trouble praising God for where you are today...then praise Him for where you are headed....and one day soon you will shout, "I Love My Life!"

Good Morning Beautiful.....

He used to say this to her every morning as he kissed her on the cheek while she still lay tucked under the covers.  He had already worked out and showered and was off for his day of work.  She smiled and said, "I love you", as she rolled over for another hour of sleep.  Once she was up she headed off to work and found herself day dreaming of what life would be like when she built her first home, had her children and awaited her husband to come home from work each day.  She would surely greet him with a wet, sloppy kiss, kind words and a warm meal.  She envisioned an evening of playing with children, talking about dreams, and frolicking under the sheets once the kids were asleep.  Every decision she made was headed toward creating that dream.  She never asked her husband if he had the same dream.  He was busy building one of his own, yet she didn't understand.  All he talked about was himself and his dreams, and she never heard them.  She found herself alone in a world with no companion.  Oh, they were together at family functions and went to Church together on Sunday, but her evenings were filled with cooking and cleaning, and playing with her children....alone.  This was not at all as she had imagined...She put them to bed alone, and she went to bed alone.  She often woke up alone.  The morning greetings and kisses slowly disappeared.  How did this happen, and why was her dream falling apart?  Didn't she have a home with a white picket fence? She had a handsome husband and beautiful children and she was doing her part to be kind and look beautiful to please him.  Life was happening all around her and she was dancing every day, but dancing solo.  She began to see signs of a man she did not know. She began uncovering secrets and deceptions that nearly tore her heart apart.  His secret world was no longer a secret, and it was destroying her....
Within her there was an inner strength....
She began researching and seeking advice, and now when she looked in the mirror at who she had become she realized that she left herself behind in the quest for her white picket fence.  Her talents were hidden and her beauty fleeting.  After struggling through cycles of anger, bitterness, self-blame and grief, she became absorbed in helping her husband change back to the man she thought He was, or the man she thought he should become. Thinking she was doing the right thing...she only became controlling and demanding, needy and unforgiving, selfish and ugly. Her white picket fence was now weathered and broken.  She did not have the time, or more accurately the desire to restore it.  There was nothing beautiful about the morning anymore.  This is based on a true story, and it would be sad if it stopped here...but by the grace of God alone she began to uncover who she was in Christ.  She began praying for her husband, learning how to forgive and most importantly she began to find her beauty and talents again.  She found her joy in her children and placed her focus on their lives.  She realized she had so much to give, and God had even more to give in return.  I don't know the end of her story...I may never know, but when I left her she was able to say, "good morning beautiful" to the world around her.

Trading Places

I have adopted a new motto.  "I will not take advice from someone I would not trade places with."  How many times do we take the words of friends or family to heart and lament over them for days, weeks or possibly even years?  When I work for my "why"...you know... the white picket fence I'm creating...then great things happen. My passion is caught by others and they help me in my quest.  Sometimes they even help me scrape the fence or buy a new section!  I love it!  When someone talks to me about giving up or comments how hard it must be for me to go for my dream I remind myself who the source is....do I want their life?  Or, are they headed in the a similar direction as me? Truly, we become like the 5 people we hang around the most.  It's time for self-evaluation.  Are the people you are communicating with always complaining, depressed, or angry. Is the glass half empty for them all the time?  If that's the case you may want to limit communication with them. I don't mean ignore them.  They very well could be your family and may need your help.  But, in order to set your dream a fire or separate yourself from mediocrity you will need to find some big dreamers...some encouraging people in your life.  Sometimes, they are hard to find so, you must rely on God's word and some motivational reading material!  I enjoy talking to people who I would gladly trade places with...it gives me inspiration and hope for the future!!

If you knew you couldn't fail.....

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?  What adventure would you undertake if you knew it would all work out?  The answer to those questions just might lead you to what you are passionate about. Become a student of those who are already succeeding in your area of interest.  Stay focused on the idea that standing still is the same as moving backwards.  Always strive to move forward.  The only failure is in quitting....it's giving up on the talents and abilities God has given you.  When an obstacle throws you on the ground or moves you backwards...begin again, learn from what happened and then change a few things. This process is your education and will be stepping stones in moving you forward.

Whats holding you back from your dreams?  Is it your family and their negativity?  Is it finances?  Is it the way you feel about your appearance or your abilities?  These are all areas we don't really like to discuss, but if we are truly honest we will realize that we blame a lot of our shortcomings or our lack of following our dreams on either our circumstances or other people.  What I find is when you ignore those obstacles you give strengths to your greatest attributes, and your weakness will become a stepping stone to your dreams.  Let's ask the question again...if you knew you couldn't fail what would you do?  Begin the dream on paper as if there was nothing holding you back.

Life comes and goes quickly, and there will be other people around us who will be living our dream and we will become resentful and bitter that "life passed us by".  Don't let that happen to you.  Pick up a pencil and begin writing, take that class you always wanted to, search for a new job, get help in the area of relationships, drop the chains that hold you back and begin doing the things you always wished you had...you are the only one holding yourself back.  You can not fail when you use God's word as your manual for life.  He loves you more than you can imagine, and He will be shouting for joy when He sees you using the talents He gave you for His greater glory!  He did not create you ugly or with lack of talent. He did not create you to be misused or abused.  He did not create you less than anyone else.  You have amazing qualities...show the world what they are...sometimes you will grab at something and realize  you should have passed that one by, but it is only in trial and error that your gifts will override your weakness. Your "failures" will only be "experiences" on the journey to success!

Fear..or..Faith

When we venture out to do something new it can seem quite fearful at the start.  Chartering waters unknown, traveling territory we have never seen before and new encounters can be intimidating.  Sometimes that fear actually stops us in our tracks.  We have our bags packed and we are excited, and the next minute we are immobilized and downright terrified.  We look for people to encourage us so we can go on, but it seems every time we get the courage to share our dream..."well meaning people" in our life play the devils' advocate and tell us we should re-consider.  They say they just want us to be "happy."  Or, they don't want us to get hurt or disappointed.  Are you kidding me?  Actually, they are too afraid to venture out themselves and misery sure loves company.  We all like to drag someone down with us when were defeated.  Seeking out wise counsel when making important decisions is necessary.  I have learned that one the hard way.  Sometimes when we share a dream and receive a negative response it would be just plain crazy to listen to it.  

The Bible teaches us....that fear and faith can not reside in the same place.  So, when I am worrying about what tomorrow brings, or for that matter, years down the road I can't even see yet....I have no FAITH for today.  When I live in faith that all things do work together for those that love God....I find the silver lining in every circumstance.  I begin living a life of faith instead of a life of fear.  Do not fear what man may do to you....If God is for you who could possibly be against you.  Exercise your faith today and know that the stronger your faith...the fewer your fears.  They still come but with faith you will have the power to overcome.  Are you full of fear today?  Ask God to increase your faith!  Anything is possible with two people when one of them is you and the other God! Why not take a leap of faith today?

Alone in a crowded room...

I sometimes feel alone in a crowded room.  How can that be possible when there are people all around me listening to a speaker, laughing at a party, watching a movie, eating dinner or dancing? And yet, my mind wanders. Where does it go and why?  It travels to my dream, and if that crowded room is not in my dream or it doesn't include all the people in my dream then it feels wrong.  It feels incomplete. I then lose sight of my dream and my mind becomes bogged down with all my problems that seem so insurmountable.  Now, I am defeated, and I am missing out on what the speaker has to say or the fun at the party at hand, or I miss the best part of the movie and even worse I don't enjoy my dinner and never get to dance.... Have you ever heard the grass isn't greener on the other side?  If we know that it isn't... then why do we always paint it better in our head then it is in reality?  I really don't know the answers to all these questions, and I hope someday it will all make sense to me. But, I do know that there are so many hurting people in the world, and I have been one of them enough times that I don't wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy.  (How does someone have a worst enemy anyway?)

Sometimes you can't tell people about the love of Jesus...you just have to show them.  So, do you know what I do?  I like to make everyone feel like they belong in that crowded room, and they were meant to be there for a reason.  One of my travels took me to the beautiful state of Florida.  While I was there I hit the town shopping and out to dinner with a friend.  We had a good old girlfriend time enjoying our freedom from our daily schedules and taking in the new sights.  For dinner we ended up eating at a little sidewalk bar just outside the restaurant.  The weather was nothing short of perfect and the live music coming from inside was inviting.  It was pretty crowded, but sitting at the bar we could watch the people walking by and enjoy the entertainment on the dance floor. Being only 5'2 and 110 lbs...a little wine makes for a happy spirit.  Within a short period of time, I was friends with the everyone in the restaurant and the dance floor became my home for the rest of the evening.  My girlfriend would add details much to my embarrassment which is why I didn't invite her to help me write this post:)  As I began making friends, I saw beautiful faces everywhere, yet, all I could see was heartache.  So, I began pulling them to the dance floor, laughing and smiling and for that moment there was no such thing as alone to me.  The world was a great place to be, and I needed to know more of it.  I'd like to think I changed the world that night, but the truth is, at best, I left a fun memory for a few people.  I've experienced that feeling a time or two again over the years... where the world seemed right for just a moment. Now, each time I find myself  in a crowded room consumed with thoughts of what's not right in my world...I remember that dance floor and think there must be a lot of people who feel alone in this big big world full of people.

I can't change the world, but I hope to change the room when I walk in it!

Giver or Taker...

We have the prerogative to decide if we are going to be a giver or a taker in life.  God is definitely a Giver....John 3:16 says, He gave us His Son...but He doesn't force us to take Him.  We get the choice.  We are not forced into marriage.  We choose our spouse.  We are not forced into a job. We can accept or decline the offer.  We are not required by law to eat certain foods. We get to pick. No one says we have to be angry all the time.  We decide that on our own.  Now,  I know that circumstances are sometimes out of our control, and we can't always choose what happens to us...but we sure can choose our response.  Inevitably, we are were we are by the choices we make or the ones we allow others to make for us.  This statement made me angry for years.  I'm an arguer by nature,(some people call that the bull headed Italian in me) and when something goes wrong I would like to blame anyone but myself.  I actually will fight even when I know I am wrong...I'm working on that one:) When a good friend and business mentor of mine told me, "Gale, you will do great things and you will move forward in this business when you decide to.  You are the only one standing in your way."  I resented her statement.  You see, I wanted to tell her, "No, it's not my fault...you don't understand, I WOULD do great things and I WOULD move up in this business, but I have an obstacle, and until that obstacle moves out of the way... I just can't.  Sound like blame shifting to you?  I was crazy....that obstacle was not going to just move out of the way....I do believe in miracles and for years I did just sit back and wait...and see if God would move it for me.  Yes, He could do that...but my attitude was wrong.  I was lazy and I didn't have the faith that God could use me any other way than the blueprint I had already laid out for Him....I was a stubborn girl....You see, though I had valid reasons for my behavior it was my job to figure out a way around them. It was my job to figure out how to use the boulders in front of me as stepping stones to my destination.  I finally came to the realization that it is only through giving that we receive.  I don't mean we give in order to receive.  I mean we just give because it is what the Scripture tells us to do.  You know, the first shall be last and the last shall be first, whoever is least in My Kingdom will be the greatest of all....a SERVANTS heart...oh no...you heard me wrong...not a SLAVE...but a servant of all....when I look for ways to serve others...I am blessed beyond belief.  I am now a giver, not a taker and blessing flow abundantly. Now, I do see miracles...now I do say, "move" to some mountains and I watch in awe each time as they just get up and walk away.... This was one of those not so fun lessons to learn.  This is were the fence was not only weathered but broken.  I needed professionals to help me fix it.  I needed to get my thinking straight.  My friend, you know if you are a giver or a taker, you know if you are angry all the time, you know if you blame someone else for where you are in life... you know....everyone does...the next step is admitting it and changing the habits one by one to become the very person God designed for you to be.  You have to WANT to...Your white picket fence is within your reach....but right now you might need a professional to help you fix what's broken.  Mentors, counselors, the Holy Bible, a prayer partner, someone who has faced the same obstacle a time or two...help is available. Start looking for ways to give to others and you will be receiving abundant blessings in return!

From there to here.....

Here I sit on a leather chair, age 40, three beautiful girls, one annoying, but seriously cute, dog and so many thoughts I think my head might explode. There I sat, age 29, two sweet baby girls with only one thought in my head.  I was nervously awaiting a blood test to be sure I didn't have a STD...how did I get from there to here?....I fell in love with a handsome, smart, energetic, full of charisma man and got married.  I did get my white picket fence...I  will show you pictures later. Our first home on a corner lot in a new sub-division...white picket fence all around the back yard and a cute little island in the front.  Yep, I thought I had it all. I gave up many things to get there....but I never knew I was giving them up at the time.  I will let you in on some of the things I traded in later posts....Weeks into my new marriage, still full of bliss, I wake up to my new love viewing pornography on our bedroom television.  You must understand that I was so protected from pornography up until that point in my life that I had no idea what was in store....horrified by what I saw, I pretended to be asleep, and thus I began my quick descent to the you are "not good enough" for me identity. Did the pit of your stomach just drop? Have you felt that way before?  Your husband compares you to other women, your father called you chubby monkey when you were little, your sister was the homecoming queen, and you were not...but you were really good at math.  The kids in school never picked you for their red rover team.  Your coach yelled, "What's the matter with you, can't you do anything right?"  "Not good enough" comes dressed in many clothes with varying styles.  Once the act is committed or the words are spoken the wound is created, and in some cases lingers a lifetime.  Let me say, I am truly sorry for that wound my friend, and I hope after reading this post you will let go of that "not good enough" label and wear a new garment...one of praise for the beauty you have been created.  No longer will you allow "then" to affect "now".

My test came back negative, but I was told I couldn't be entirely assured for 7 years.  Wow, how's that for security?  You see my husband had multiple partners whom had many partners.  Those strip clubs tend to attract that sort of activity.  Really, sin has a pretty package.  I never thought so then, but I do now...women are beautiful, and men can be sexy. Satan sure can make his Lion Den appear better than anything we can imagine. After 15 years of searching for answers and finding heartache at every corner...some of my own corners...and some corners around the block...I found that I had the answer all along.  It lies within the beautiful pages of God's Holy Word, the Bible.  You see, every evil you have seen on television, read in a book, experienced in your own life is already described in Scripture. Check it out: murderers, adulterers, deceivers, thieves, the list goes on....It's nothing new. In fact God even forewarns us. What's so awesome is that He gives us blueprints to avoid the pain, but because He knows we may not choose His will...He even tells us what to do when the pain is unbearable.  He encourages us, warns us, loves us, parties with us and comforts us.

I had two more testings down the road, lots of drama, some very bad decisions on my part, and one more beautiful little girl.  She will no doubt provide many pages of inspiration for this blog...her name is Katie.  Before you worry or think I lived a terrible life, I had some memorable, most amazing stories to warm your heart too. There is good in everyone and a silver lining can be found almost anywhere.  I am healthy...ok, well, that's relative...I need to eat better and exercise more! I have talents that provide income, fabulous family and friends...and the very best part...some pretty dynamic children!

I walked through the door of alcohol recovery with my husband of which he had 18 months of victory praise God, but continues to struggle today.  We will always be connected by our amazing daughters and our life experiences together. I can only continue to pray for his journey as I pack the bags for mine. The purpose of this post is not to share every sin of my youth or adult life or those of my ex-husband...the purpose is to shed some real light from real people ,so I decided to start with me.  I'm not perfect...but don't tell my mother...lol.  No matter what you have done, or where you have fallen short back "there"....you are "here" now...and you get a "do-over".  You are good enough because you were made in the likeness of  Christ!

Well, there you have it...some background from my life. I should let you know...I have fully forgiven where I have been and forgiven the man I blamed for many years.  The real challenge is forgiving myself daily for falling short of God's desire for my life!  I am so excited about the here (I have trouble lying...truth is...a little nervous) that the "there" hardly seems real to me anymore! I am so looking forward to the journey! And, so glad you came along!

Stir Up the Gift....

Do you have a dream in your heart that never goes away?  Do you had ludicrous thoughts of unattainable things or fleeting moments of a dream that takes you to an entirely different destination then where you sit?  If you are brave enough to speak out loud you would say, "yes".  How am I so sure?  I know God planted dreams in all of us when He created us....Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you...” 2 Timothy 1:6
We all posses gifts that need "stirring up".  But, instead we live in someone other persons' dream. We let them put out our fires, rain on our parades, even worse, we allow the spirit of doubt to say it isn't possible. Tragically, we no longer possess the confidence to live out our God given gifts. This blog is the beginning of my "white picket fence", the dream that puts me right where God wants me.  Since this isn't really the book I've been working on, only a blog...I'm not going to bother editing...can't believe I just said that....rather than re-write...I will just correct myself as I go...seems a little more fitting for this journey.  So, instead of saying beginning of my "white picket fence"...I'm changing it to a "new section of the fence"......

I have so much to share and will be starting all over in some future posts, but for today I want you to dig up that old dream, the white picket fence, if you will, and write it down.  Ok, so, you won't write it down will you?  Fear is in the way.  Doubt has consumed you.  What will others think?  It is way out of reach now.  My days are numbered.  What if I told you that your dream you had is not gone it just has a different name?  Can you humor me for a bit?  Let's take a look at a few scenarios: Marriage...didn't turn out like you expected?  Don't worry...I have much more on that one later...Children...don't have any? Frustrated with the ones you have?...Talent...did it get lost along the way?....Music, Sports, Art and Dance?  How about the places you thought you would go or maybe the people you thought would always be around?  Did you think work would be so hard, so unrewarding, did money always seem so important?  Wow, I'm already done reading my own blog....I think I've heard enough!  Good News... Read All About It!... right in the most trusted source of all time, God's Word... You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. (Philippians 4:13).  That's right, ALL things, but not without God given strength.  You will want to stay tuned because I have stories of what it's like to do things on our own strength.  I have personal stories and stories of others who with good intentions nearly lost everything!  Are you ready for the journey?  The white picket fence gets weathered along the way and needs some primer and paint, but I'm hopeful that I will one day live again with that "perfect" marriage(yes...I am aware...but I am sure there is a perfect one for me) and that white picket fence I so long to have.  I am hopeful that you will too.