Tired of the Struggles?

Today, my husband started a new job.  I sure do miss him here at the house. (We both agree that I actually may get some work done now:)  I am praying he is blessed and finds joy in the work he is asked to do and the people he must work with....  Looking back over the last few weeks, I can see some blessings from his lay off.  He was able to restore his body and soul, and I was able to connect and enjoy him on a whole new level.  It was like a much needed vacation without the stress of packing and going somewhere...knowing that the vacation must end in a week and you have to face work on Monday morning.  He ate well, slept well, read a few books for leisure, worked out, spent time with family and mentally worked through his thoughts on unlocking his passion and creating a vision for the future.  These things don't happen on their own.  You must consciously and actively participate in forward movement. So, if you don't have "time off" from work right now you must schedule time for yourself in the evening or on weekends to "restore your soul", or you may find yourself in a state of depression or frustration concerning the "place" you are in this life! While you are at it...schedule time with your partner and time with your children....they all deserve the best you that you can offer!

I have taken for granted how difficult it is to "find a job" in this current economy.  21 years ago, I accepted a teaching job on a Navajo Indian Reservation right after college. This was a great experience for me and aided in landing a second job when I returned to my hometown.  After teaching for 9 years I decided to work my, hobby, home business as my career.  I never went back to education full-time.  Now, 17 years of working my own business and nearly 12 years of that time with no other employment, my work mindset, as well as the work "field", has changed.  I have taken jobs to off-set hard times but never for long.  Today it seems much more difficult to attend college, let alone get a "secure" job to support and maintain living above "poverty level."  My husband  has worked hard labor jobs for more than 20 years.  Whether he had work or not often depended on other people, weather or the economy.  He also had to work more hours and physically harder just to make ends meet. I am so proud of him for never giving up.  The job he started today is close to home, better pay, better benefits and out of the elements:)  He is still looking for a career with passion, purpose and vision for his future, but I am thankful that God takes care of him, and us, on the journey to finding "peace" in this world.

I am also very thankful for friends who are willing to be the link to helping others find a job.  It is much easier to get a job with referrals from friends and a great reference.  My husband filled out countless applications, but the bottom line is: unless you have an "in"....it's much more difficult to secure a good job. So, if you know of work and those without...match them up.  It's a great gift to be a part in the success of others!

I keep writing about "the struggle" and often hear others state they are tired of it...but the truth is: "Struggle" is a part of the journey of this life.  We can't be free from it, but we can live free "in" it.  I believe that's what scripture means when it says to be in the the world but not of it, or when it says in this world you will find tribulation, but in Jesus you will find peace.  What I am trying to say to you is this: Let's not put so much emphasis or give so much power to "the struggle"...instead let's look for the blessings and exercise the power of the spirit within us to overcome our obstacles. (the power of the spirit is given to you when you have a personal relationship with Jesus)  Look for joy in your family, create joy in your job, search for joy in the pleasures of life around you. All the while, ask God for wisdom when you are walking through your not so desirable present circumstances!  Not to make light of your hurt...but I promise...someone has been where you are right now.  You are not alone...days only last 24 hours and weeks and months keep passing us by....if you are not careful you will look back with more regrets than peace.  Seek out those who have been where you are and learn from their journey.  Then...pay it forward.

Our family is dealing with a few struggles of it's own...some of which could really ruin any one's day, but I can honestly say just when I feel I have past the hurdle of one challenge...another appears.  I am beginning to expect it with anticipation for what blessing is on the other side when I conquer it!  You can have victory in this life and CAN enjoy it along the way.  Don't give up looking for a new career or even finding a temporary job.  Don't give up praying for a miracle in health or finances.  Don't lose hope that you will find love or restore a broken marriage.  Don't allow your personal struggles of the day, week, month or year rob you of living a life full of peace...those struggles do not control you unless you allow them to! Life full of peace is not a life void of problems....peace is found when you overcome the struggle and enjoy the journey!

Ever Wonder Why You're Not Happy?

Are you tired of the struggle?  I am.  Each day we ask ourselves some of these questions:  Will it ever change?  Will we ever have enough money to pay the bills, let alone travel, drive dependable cars, or even enjoy the finer things in life?  Do I have to work at this job I hate for the rest of my life?  Will my family ever be normal?  Can the fighting just stop?  Do the lies have to continue?  Is marriage really this hard?  Will the drama at work ever end?  Do I have to be plagued with this illness until it kills me?  

I can, personally, own a few of those questions, and I bet you can think of more.  The only one I can answer honestly, and for certain, is the the first one.  "Yes, I am tired of the struggle!" And, I am willing to bet that you are too.  So, how do we live life without the struggle?  Is it possible to live a life full of joy, abundant in love, more than enough money, healthy, happy and carefree?

Turning on the news or picking up the paper immediately gives me the impression that I cannot live in THIS world with unconditional love, joy, security and financial peace that I am in search of.... In fact, the media hopes I will thrive on the drama and feed off of it...hopefully, to the point at which I even create more of it....just look at some of the "reality t.v", talk shows or sitcoms created for your entertainment.   I can try to ignore the news, but I still can't run from struggle.  It finds me.  It comes into my marriage, it follows the kids home from school, the pets create it, relatives and friends find ways to bring me the ones they have.  The house, all it's upkeep and the cost of living are forever adding to my hardship.  All the things that consume my emotions, time and energy in a negative way quickly cause depression, apathy, lack of motivation and a downright unhappy attitude about life.  I don't want to live that way.  In all my connections with people, I have yet to sit down with one person who says, "I want to live an unhappy life."  I have heard people say they deserve to be unhappy...and honestly, that is a lie from the pit of hell...they truly may deserve the consequences of the life they are living....but, God is merciful, and I am not judge...ok...that's a blog for another day....

I see joy in the world, and I know others who experience success and peace in many facets of life.  I read scripture, and I believe that God has created abundance for us to enjoy.  In return He desires us to give Him praise.  I think it IS just that easy!  We simply have the choice to live abundant and free or in lack and bondage. We have a choice to be selfish or thankful. We have a choice to drain the life out of people with our negativity or give and receive love.

My husband took a look through our wedding scrapbook (we have only been married 10 months) and he said, "I was reminded how happy we were, and I always want to live like that."  Do you  sometimes wonder what changed or went wrong in your life that caused you to lose your joy?  The truth is, we allow struggle to take the place of  joy.  We move over and let the problems have a seat. We give time and energy to what is negative instead of focusing on what is good.  When we are plagued with the troubles of life...here is what scripture tells us...

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8

Our world constantly changes.  Bad things happen to good people all of the time.  No one is exempt from hardships.  They come in different sizes, packages and to different degrees.  But, regardless of the packaging, struggle finds us all from time to time. The difference in the the happy people and the unhappy people is choice. Choose love, choose joy, choose peace whenever possible....and HOPE will get you through the rough days. It really is possible to enjoy the journey of life even if you don't like some of the days that go along with it! Give away as much love as you can...and you will find people who will return more to you than you can possibly receive!

Boundaries with Kids

I just finished reading this book and I want to take a moment to recommend it to you.  Do you have children who push the boundaries you have set for them all the time?  Or, do you have trouble deciding what the boundaries should be?  I have always known that children need boundaries in order to be safe and feel secure.  The area where I have struggled is setting the appropriate boundary for each child during different phases of their life...and implementing the appropriate consequence for crossing that boundary.  I found this book helpful in identifying the character traits of my children and understanding  what types of actions are needed for each of them.  It helped me understand how important boundaries are and how destructive life can be without them. 

We all have had struggles in our life and have learned valuable lessons from them.  When we use these experiences to set boundaries for our children we show them how much we love them.  While we can not and should not save our child from all the challenges of life, we can spare them some of the pain we endured by setting appropriate boundaries.  Think of it like building a platform for your child to "start" life on where you "left" off.  In other words, you are setting your child up to "succeed in" and "experience life" in far greater ways than you have already!  This is a gift.  When you look at disciplining your child or setting healthy boundaries for them as a "gift" for their future...you will be able to endure the challenges your boundaries create...even when it seems your child is not cooperating.  It is not easy to set boundaries and enforce them.  But, when you see the fruit of your labor as your children grow into responsible young adults...you will look back and be glad you did!

If you believe that your goal is to prepare your child for the future...whatever that may hold...and teach them to be contributing, responsible adults...then you must set loving, on purpose, restricting, yet freeing boundaries for your child.  You can get ideas on how to do this more effectively when you read Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsends' book Boundaries with Kids.  Just click on the book or the link below to order your copy today!

Foundation of Hope

I have decided to reveal parts of a true story in order to help you think about the reality of what goes on within the lives of others, and with the hope that it will cause you to think about your own life as it relates to this couples' story.  My friends names have been changed for their privacy. And the photo is not of the family depicted in this writing.

Jill and Mike were just in their 20's when they fell in love and decided to get married. Jill had found her dream life. They moved into a beautiful home and she decided to get a part time job in order to decorate her new house with whatever her heart desired. Mike had a great job, so all other needs and bills were covered by his income. The couple got pregnant within the first few months of marriage and "baby boy" was on his way. Jill assumed the role of wife and mother like a pro. Shortly after their little son was born, Jill discovered her husband, Mike, had been unfaithful. The pain was increased by the unfolding knowledge that the affair was while she was carrying their son. And, to make matters worse the other woman was her friend.

It took stages of anger, grief, bitterness and resentfulness before Jill could even go to counseling and reach out for some help.  After an extended period of time they both decided to give their love another chance. Once the couple worked through the hurt and extended grace and forgiveness, baby two was on her way. Jill, still a very young mom and wife, wanted nothing more than to please her husband. She began changing her outward appearance with makeup, a new hair style, a breast augmentation, and a completely new style of dress...all to become more appealing to her husband...or at least that was her intent.

The events that unfolded in the next 10 years were a constant roller coaster of highs and lows in their relationship. Jill and Mike had yet a third baby, separated, and finally divorced. They both filled their time with one new sexual partner after another, and Jill even had to begin working full time while paying for childcare and living in an apartment on the not so nice part of town. She experienced many financial hardships and broken relationships. Mike seemed to have a pretty good life...single man, nice home, comfortable money and pretty women. Until one day, Jill received a call that Mike had taken his own life. Friends and family, baffled by his choice, began to uncover the life of a man who was enslaved by empty dreams. He tried to portray the "American Dream" on the outside: good job, financial freedom, beautiful family, and a nice home. But, he was chasing after "something" more on the inside and turned to a secret life in the fast lane at night. He came up empty and with no hope. It wasn't Jill who didn't meet his needs, and it wasn't Mike who made Jill feel the need to change.  They both began searching for a hope that would fulfill the secret longings in their heart.  It is possible if they had shared these longings with one another and surrendered their will to the love of Christ....things could have unfolded differently. I do know Mike attended Church faithfully, so I can only pray that at some point in his life he asked Jesus to save his soul. Jill only attends Church on occasion and  lives with her current boyfriend. I don't know the condition of her heart today or the level of her peace, but these are some things I have learned as I observed and talked with her some years ago.

1. People do not set out with the intent to destroy their life.
2. When we do not guard our hearts and minds we become desensitized to the consequences of sin.
3. Put your trust in God because man will disappoint you!
4. It is not someones' job to make us happy. Joy comes from a thankful heart and peaceful soul.
5. Vanity creeps up on us, produces selfishness and can lead to affairs.
6. Guard your own heart because out of it flows everything you do. (Proverbs 4:23)
7. Be kind to others, forgiving others, loving them and directing their thoughts to things of God.
8. People who put on a great outward appearance may be dying on the inside.
9. Forgiveness , Grace and Mercy do follow us all the days of our life...but you cannot escape the consequences of habitual sin forever.
10. Our hope is built on nothing less then Jesus blood and righteousness.  All other attempts are fatally futile.

"The Solid Rock" ~ by 4 Him

Love this version of one of my favorite childhood hymns still embedded in my heart today!

If you want it you must ask for it.

If you want freedom you must ask for it. This could mean freedom from an addiction of drugs, alcohol or sex...maybe freedom from past hurts, failures or unhealthy relationships. If you want love you must ask for it. It doesn't matter who you are...everyone needs more love...to know the love of God, to feel the love of your spouse, to enjoy the love of your children.  Our hearts always have room for more love. If you want peace you must ask for it. How many times is your spirit in turmoil over a decision that you must make...a decision that no one else can make but you...and you don't have peace?  Perhaps your home or work place lacks peaceful conversation.  Possibly you should just start by asking that your joy be fulfilled! Whatever it may be, fill in the blank... and speak it out loud. I want_________!

We spend much of our time wishing others will fulfill our needs, or even expecting God to meet them, but we have never really taken the time to ask for (out loud) what we want. Asking involves the risk of being told "no", or feeling foolish for our request.  Why is that such a bad thing?  If we are told no by God...wouldn't that be for our best interest and therefore we should be thankful?  If  we ask for a raise and we are told "no"  does it leave us further behind?  Or, does it show us that maybe there is something more we could be doing, and the job we have is not paying us what we are worth? When you tell your spouse you "need" more of them in a certain area...you have nothing to fear...if it is their desire for a better relationship...asking will move you forward.  It will open the floodgates for what has been left unsaid.  Don't be afraid.  And, don't become complacent...meaning you have asked before and have not received...therefore, you give up.  Persistence is a form of confidence, and sometimes we must continue to ask until the desires of our heart line up with the plans God has for us.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

The Gospels, as well as the Old Testament, are flooded with verses that remind us to ask if we want to receive.  Take a moment and do an online search of scriptures with the word "ask" in it...Some verses refer to asking for salvation and the forgiveness of our sins, some refer to asking for the desires of our heart, others teach us to ask for healing and help on the behalf of others, but the idea the Lord is trying to get across to us is this: if we ask not; we have not!  Asking leads to blessing! He may not grant us our entire list...but He does promise to give us what is good for us!

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

 “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?  Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?  If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”    (Luke 11:9-12)

If you are married and think anything like me...there are times you expect your spouse to know what makes you upset, and beyond that...what to do to fix it. We expect them to know when we want physical touch, words of praise, when we need to be left alone, or when they should be spending time with us. When you think honestly about that...it is absurd!  I can't possibly know when to do that for my husband...so, why do I think he should know when to do it for me?  Maybe the answer is, at times, I measure him according to the wrong standard.  I begin the game of comparison and blame. Can you relate?  Hmmm...Your spouse married you for what you add to their life. Without you they were missing something. Together you could do more good than apart. Go back to adding to their life in order to be fulfilled in your own. To me that is simple, yet what we resist the most. Selfishness is often the root of many of our struggles. Don't wait for someone to know what you need or for that matter what you want.  Ask for it! 

Love gives out of the abundance of the heart.  When selfishness sets in, we stop giving and start expecting to receive.  Now don't get me wrong.  It is important in a relationship to reciprocate love in all 5 forms: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service and the giving of gifts.  But, when we intentionally hold these back in order to "make" our point or guilt the other person into doing what we want them to do...we are only increasing our chances of depression. And, we will come up empty handed. Relationships at any level, beyond that of an acquaintance, take intentional effort.  We must speak clearly about how we feel concerning all things such as: finances, acts of service, ethics, morals, parenting, and even time spent together.  Any area of life that affects your relationship is worthy of conversation.  When you  admit your feelings of hurt, fear, want, jealousy, need, lack of joy or passion...you are not accusing the other person of not fulfilling this void...instead you are recognizing it and sharing it with the person who loves you most.  Once you do this it is important to ask for what you want.  Those who are closest to you may have had an idea you were unhappy, frustrated or depressed, but they had no idea how to help or "fix it."  You understand yourself better than anyone, and you know what you need. You can ask for it.  I believe when you communicate with others and with God in your prayers...in an out loud fashion...you will come to a realization of whether what you want is based out of an insecurity, desire, selfishness or need.  No matter the root...you allow others to understand how you are wired, and together you can meet each other at the point of your need.

I encourage you today to be brave and ask your spouse what you want from them.  Be confident and raise the bar with your children...ask of them what you want.  Go boldly to the throne of Grace and ask God for the desire of your heart. Asking will lead to blessing and when you ask allow yourself to be changed by the outcome!

The Unmarked Door

Do you ever wish you could be on a game show and be the player who gets to choose what is behind Door #1, Door #2 or Door #3?...Oh, the thrill of what awaits you on the other side is exhilarating and nerve racking at the same time!  What if you pick the wrong one?  You just might get the amazing knife set behind the door you choose...while the other two have trips of a lifetime, a brand new car or even a cash prize!  That would stink!

In my past, I have had choices that were clearly marked as to what was inside, and I still made the wrong pick...please tell me you can relate?  The good news is...our life really isn't a lottery like that...we make good and bad choices just the same, but ultimately it's not left up to fate...we can design the life we live, and we do have the freedom to choose the path we take. Our life direction is often formed by the influence of the people we let in or keep out.

I recently stopped in to visit with my pastor, and for whatever reason, was intrigued that his office door was unmarked....no "pastor's study" or name plate mounted on the outside...just a plain brown door.  I did find him on the other side in a beautifully decorated office:)  I made a joke about the "top-secret" man behind the unmarked door, and...yes...he figured I might write a story about it...I couldn't resist.

Our lives can often reflect that unmarked door.  People see us on the outside and form opinions by what they see, but they truly have no idea what is on the inside until they are invited in.  For all I knew, there was a janitor's closet behind that plain brown door! (lol)  I will be the first to say, that I often make assessments about what I see before I have more information.  I think that is normal for most of us.  Based on our life experiences we filter our belief system or judgements by what we see first.  We must be very careful to quickly dismiss these opinions and have an open heart and mind until we are "invited in."  When we do this we allow ourselves to experience life and live life more abundantly through our relationships with others.

Life is, certainly, about building relationships with other people.  As you create these relationships you will either "build" others up or "tear" them down.  They can be encouraged or left feeling less than what God created them to be.  We are all guilty of speaking before we truly think about the effects our words will have on others.  We can apologize, but our words linger in the hearts of others long after we are gone.  To truly live out our potential we must invite others into our life and at times keep some people out. 

The visual picture of my pastors' unmarked door appealed to me because it reflected choice...in our personal life we choose who comes in and who stays out...I have often heard it said that we become like the five people we hang around the most...I do believe there is truth to that. The people that we spend the most time with have a great deal of influence on our thought process and our actions. Evaluate who you are spending the most time with, and see if they line up with the direction of God's desired life for you. That is an important step in freedom from other peoples' choices.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

I have decided to make a conscious effort not to judge what I see on the outside...until I am "invited in."  And, even then...judgment is not my job.  I can form opinions and preferences to create my circle of influence, but that is all.  If you struggle with building positive relationships with others...you may want to open your "unmarked door" and invite a few people in to take a closer look.  It does expose you to vulnerability at times and maybe even some criticism, but if you choose wisely who you will bring inside...you just might find that what you pour into the lives of others will come back into your own. We need people to help us where we are weak and others need our help where we are strong.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a

You will also find that in order to feel "freedom" to live as God intended...you must be truthful, honest and pure in all your intentions. In this day in age, I personally feel it is difficult for people to be honest with themselves...let alone with others.  Fear of ridicule, judgement, or lack of receiving love  may stand in the way.  Low self-image often plays a role as well.  Sometimes we even feel a little bit safer behind an unmarked door.  Maybe in the past we have let too many people in and received more criticism than encouragement.  Whatever the reason that causes dishonesty in your life...it will hold you captive and in bondage to your own freedom.  Begin by speaking truth to yourself and others, and pray for people to come into your life to support your vision. And...every chance you get...pour life giving words into others. Because, life is full of love, joy and peace when you live cautious...yet free!

Present Circumstances

"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start." Nido Qubein

If we could grasp a hold of this idea we might all just be a little more positive about life in general.  I think it's easy to look back on our past or take inventory of our present situation and get discouraged.  We may not like where we  have been...or where we are now, but we don't have to stay in either place. The problem is that most of us can't see how to change it.  It is also easy to fall in the trap of believing that success is for the chosen few.   But, really it is for all who choose!

It could be that a certain friend is successful because his parents had enough income to help him buy a car and go to college.  Maybe a lucrative business was handed down to a young man, and he had a ready made platform of clients to build on.  We often hear of athletes whose parents were athletes, preachers who come from dynamic fathers in the ministry, nurses and doctors who send their children into the medical field, farmers who teach their sons the the trade of agriculture, mother's teaching their daughters life skills...the list is endless.  I think it's honorable and downright rewarding for parents to pass on their knowledge, skills and influence to their children...if their child has grown to love the same line of work.  But, what if you weren't so fortunate?  No trade was  passed on to you...your parents were middle class or even poverty stricken...maybe, you did not have parents around to influence you at all?  This should not stop you from dreaming.  God has planted a skill, a talent, a desire and the tools to complete them in your very being.  If you will flip the coin and look at your starting point as an advantage instead of a disadvantage you will be the next great success story! It's an advantage because the measurement is by your desire only.

Success is not measured by what you accomplish or how much money you make.  It is not even measured by how you start.  Look at all the celebrities...lives of fame, fortune and success...but most remembered by the love they gave and the lives they touched.  Success is in the legacy you leave when your days on earth come to an end. You may need to start from scratch or be resourceful.  And, if you need to increase your energy level...begin with changing your diet and exercise.  Don't be afraid to work a little harder then you think others do, or even save a little more and spend a little less.  In the long run you will influence more people and become more skilled then you ever would have if your life were "just a little easier."

You have the ability to leave a gift to this world and to your children. You have the right to make a difference in history.  In fact, no matter how insignificant you think your existence might be...you are a part of making history and you were most certainly created to bring glory to the Creator himself!  You must believe in yourself or others will not. You are building a platform for your children to begin their legacy on.  They will soar higher because of your hard work.  Don't give up on your dream because it looks impossible.  Stop looking back...you are not going that way.  Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be...because you only have one life to do all the things God planted in your "hearts' desire" and ability to do.  Along the way, you will experience trials, sorrows, happiness, and love. It will all be a part of defining who you become and what you leave behind.  Don't let your present circumstances consume you to the point of no productivity.  You have a great deal to offer the world around you.  Start today...making a difference...for tomorrow! Your past didn't define you...it refined you.  Your present circumstances are just where you begin...and your future depends on you...I can't wait to see where you finish!

Whatever you do...just don't panic...there is hope for your future and with that hope comes peace!

Vows to Volcanic Eruption

In a second marriage there is little time for a honeymoon. Most couples jump right into family life full of children, challenges, financial woes and drama that already existed before their love was born.  I don't even want to know the rate of divorce for second marriages. I will not be included in that one. So, how do blended families survive chaos? (We plan to laugh a bunch, drink a lot of coffee and red wine and escape now and then...haha)

Well...I am glad to report I haven't experienced any real "volcanic eruption" since I said "I do", but I have heard a few stories of the challenges some families face when they merge two very different sets of circumstances together. I have been asked several times to give my thoughts on blending families in a second marriage.  While I can not give any physiological insight or even stories from years of personal experience, I can give you some thoughts from the "good intent" of my heart.  Ask me in a couple of months or few years down the road...and I may have an entirely different answer...lol...but so far, so good.  Actually, I should just be claiming victory in the name of Jesus...knowing this was His plan to begin with.  I keep pinching myself and thanking God daily for His gift of restoration in my life!  No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes along the way. Praise God...He is faithful to complete the "perfect work" He started in us!

Having only been married just over two weeks now...I am hardly an expert, so this is more like journaling on the topic rather than solid reasoning...Here is what I do believe.  When you remarry and bring your children together under the same roof it is important to treat them in the ways you always have and accept your children right where they are in their stages of development.  Life doesn't always afford us "comfort to change" on our own time frame.  However, we can be in tune to the love language of our children and help them to adjust within their comfort level. There may be changes you would like to make as a couple in raising your new family together. You can begin praying and sharing parenting ideas, in private, to help each other become the best parent possible. When you love one another with all your heart it is easy to love each others' children just the same. They are an extension of the one you love.  Being sensitive to the changes everyone must face is key, but being careful not to draw attention to negative behavior is, also, critically important. (We all get a little jealous of time spent with others now and then...it's actually endearing, I think) There is some truth in what you ignore will go away...not always...don't get me wrong...I am not advocating lack of consequences for disobedience...but, there are times that a child will take attention even if it's in a negative form. When that negativity doesn't get them the desired attention...it goes away on its' own.  I do believe that love conquers all and will indeed win in the end.  God gave you a second chance on love, and He will provide peace for your family. Be patient. When your children see the respect and love you and your spouse share it will be easier for them to come together and enjoy the journey. Solicit advice and helpful ideas from trusted friends.  There are many good sources available on the topic, too. Don't force what should come naturally. It is obvious when it is not working naturally.  I have already watched my own children go through changes in just a few weeks...changes of healing and hope for a brighter future.

We have encouraged our children to write out their thoughts and have shared with them that they are not being replaced in our hearts by our love for each other. We have been careful to keep to our same routines so that everyone feels comfortable. Making positive that they know...that neither parent takes the place of their own mother or father...has been part of our reassurance that they are secure. Sharing with them the joys of opening their heart to new and exciting experiences will create a safe and confident place for them to grow and learn to extend love to others. I also think much more is caught than taught. For adults, as well as kids, no matter how hard we try...sometimes our feelings just don't line up with what we know.  I so appreciate my husband for his quiet, peaceful love, respect, and admiration for me and for my girls. His wisdom and discernment encourage me daily. This type of example provides steady reinforcement of healthy relationships within our family.  If one parent is overbearing or has unrealistic expectations of the children it is harder for them to work through the change.

I believe children want the "family unit" back in tact...maybe it wasn't ever "in tact" to begin with, and they are searching for what they have never experienced.  Either way, it is natural to resist what you don't know but yet desire to have. Again, be patient. God is in the business of miracles, and when your heart is in line with His...He will show you great and mighty things!  It is safe to say that both you and your new mate are desiring a "fresh start." This fresh start covers more than just the way you are loved and show love.  I imagine, like me, you desire changes in your family, finances, spiritual walk, emotional and even physical health.  When you walk away from unhealthy patterns of the past you will naturally avoid "volcanic eruption" in your home because you are headed toward peace and away from drama.  Now, just because you steer clear of "volcanic eruption" in your home doesn't mean your family blending won't cause some explosion in those around you.  In this case...prayer and more prayer.  Not everyone will come on board or even be willing to support you.  Some people are definitely in your life for a season.  When the seasons change, so do people.  Life certainly isn't always easy and some decisions are tough to make.  When you find a partner whom you love and is willing to take their life journey with you...even the tough stuff seems a lot more bearable!  When discipline, parenting, dealing with ex-spouses or finances get sticky...remember to talk through everything, pray without fail and love one another every step of the way.  The problems of today are often replaced by new problems of tomorrow.  It's all in how you handle them that makes the difference.  When you say, "I do"....for the second time it often brings a whole new meaning to "death do us part."   For me...my past circumstances have created a deeper level of commitment than I ever knew possible. Hardship does make you stronger, wiser and more able to love those around you...if you let it.

 The Vow...great movie!

I vow to not only face but receive anything in this world with a belief that God has a purpose for it, faith that I will survive it, hope that life will become brighter and a love that overlooks wrong, transcends time and runs deep in my soul.

Just for fun...a great family fun series!

A True Cinderella Love Story

Even Cinderella had some obstacles to finding her Prince. There was the "day in and day out" of endless chores in which she whistled while she worked and found simple joys in her little world. She had to face the wicked words of her stepmother and jealous schemes of her step sisters.  Even the family cat didn't support her. From childhood we watch fairy tales of love unfold.  In Beauty and the Beast the heart of love won over what the eyes could not see. Thumbelina meets Prince Cornelius and shows us that if you follow your heart nothing is impossible. Undoubtedly, my favorite is the heroic story of Rapunzel. She was a stunning girl trapped in the jealous hands of a wicked woman. She fought through the web of deception and ultimately brought peace to those around her...and in so doing...she met a handsome Prince! Her helpful sidekick was less than confident but more than courageous! Sometimes fairy tales aren't just figments of our imagination; they are real life played out in the magical kingdom. Every little girl sits on edge as she watches the dramatic stories unfold, and in the end she wants to dress up just like the beautiful princess!



In light of scripture I sure do believe in magic of the heart and the magical kingdom.  Not only because I am experiencing it, but because I believe in the Spirit which comes from God the Father and lives inside those that love Him.  What we do for others does come back to bless us...not really a secret at all...pour into the lives of others, no matter how insignificant it may seem, and watch the God of creation pour out His love to you! Love never fails!
 
If you have been following my blog for any length of time I am sure you have picked up on the underlying theme of the "White Picket Fence." Everyone is in search of it this side of Heaven...the dream career, the dream man or woman to share life with...joys of children...the perfect house and amenities to go along with it. We begin our "dream life journal" as far back as our memory recalls. Unfortunately, when life happens and challenges come along we somehow find ourselves further and further from our white picket fence.  We lose all hope for a better tomorrow, we lack faith in God to keep His promises, and we trust people less and less.  When goodness and peace do come our way...we run from it...not on purpose...but because we are so comfortable living uncomfortably that the goodness of God feels foreign. We can't wrap our brain around the belief that we do deserve the grace and abundant blessings of God!  What is even more difficult then accepting His grace is changing our behavior in order to get different results. Taking a leap of faith in an unsure decision, changing careers, moving, disconnecting from unhealthy people, or "selling all we own"(maybe literally or maybe just figuratively) to give to the poor...just seems too disorderly and too radical.  The love of God is radical my friends.  He died for you!

He orders our steps when we are in tune with His desires.  We cannot comprehend the depth of His love that is why our heart is moved when our brain does not understand. The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Psalm 37:23

In response to my recent wedding announcement:

First of all thank you for your love, blessing for our future and encouraging words.  Chances are you have had a part in my life experiences, my joys, my sorrows and my healing.  I am ever grateful for you! Garett is a gift from God himself.  We met at Church...not of either of our seeking...but at the encouragement of a friend who was courageous enough to follow the stirring in her heart to "match up two people who were done "seeking on their own."  We both have stories of broken marriages that left us asking God "how much longer must we live this way." We have 7 children between us whom we love and cherish very much! Unlike my patient husband (so fun to say), I tried to help God out a little...yeah, I know what you are thinking, but you have put your hands in things before when you should have waited too...so hang with me a second...I thought if I didn't actively "search for someone"....certainly, he wasn't going to magically appear!  I had forgotten that fairy tales are really the magic God is in the business of doing.  Anyway, I had a few dating experiences since my divorce...all of which I am so thankful for.  It was through these men I was able to create my Prince Charming!  I learned what I needed, what I would respond to, and what I was able to give.  But, when you are 41 dating just isn't as fun as when you are young.  It's quite difficult to "hide" it from your children and even more difficult to involve them. Friends and family have their opinions as well.  Don't get me wrong...counsel is wise, and those who truly love you have your best interest at heart...but if you are not careful...you could be fulfilling another persons' "white picket fence" and not your own.   No matter which way you try, even with the best intentions, some people won't like the "change."  So, after a few tries I determined in my heart...I was done!  That is when God intervened.  I think he had a little compassion on me.

I truly believe it must have been at the same moment when Garett secretly asked God to bring him a wife because there was no way he could possibly go out into the world and find one on his own...and the moment I told God that I was done and resigned to the life of a single woman...that He orchestrated the events that would quickly unfold before our eyes and would leave no question that it was His doing to form our union.  This quote from Max Lucado sums it up. "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her."


Each text, email, coffee, conversation, and dinner....seemed like we were in a time travel...forward to a wonderful journey of a lifetime.  There was no time to stop and share a play by play with everyone around us. I think we both knew from the moment we saw each other face to face...in that split second...something stirred...I still believe in love...the first look, first touch, first kiss were all as amazing...as I had ever hoped they would be!  I think we both felt like teenagers...lol...as all that had been dormant was now fully alive in both of us.  Garett...faithful in his first marriage...faithful to God and faithful to his children...hard worker and has a spirit of a saint...lol...because we all know he would need that in order to handle my strong will! He confessed to me that God actually "warned" him... she is a "strong" woman and different than anyone you are used to...haha...not sure I like admitting that...but it sure was funny!  My checklist was fully complete and all the "extras" were included as well.  Now, seriously, since I'm being honest...he is one sexy man!! He will probably kill me for publishing that....



This world won't stop throwing curve balls, and challenges and trials never seem to be on short order.  "Nay Sayers" are a dime a dozen...but what a feeling to live this side of Heaven with a friend, lover and loyal partner to help find peace amongst the storms and help each other live in freedom to experience their most "wild at heart" desire while making the world a little better when we leave it....Don't be mistaken...I'm still functioning in my financial, emotional, and physical realities, but some how pure bliss makes it all worth it...I am finally living inside my "white picket fence!"  Every day I feel like standing outside and twirling like a little girl and shouting with joy...it's the feeling of reckless abandon wrapped in common sense....a crazy gift of love sent from Heaven above! Love Wins!

And finally...I'm sorry for the men reading this...I just couldn't shorten it!  But, the women will want to know how the heck we pulled off a wedding in about 24 hours.  I can honestly say it was easy and peaceful.  Once I said "yes"....the rule was "no stress".....Our first choice was to run away to Italy... that was one reality we couldn't escape...not enough money!  First we secured our Pastor who performed the most precious little ceremony and even quoted from the book of Song of Songs.  I did not know that was his plan...but if you have followed my posts...I just discovered that scripture...some serious thrill traveled up my spine at that very moment. Then, we bought his shirt and ring the first day and my dress, jewelry and shoes the second day...simple and fun...I am not kidding...I walked into a couple of stores while Garett entertained our two youngest girls and within two hours had all I needed. Our two witnesses were the couple who brought us together, and they did an amazing job of capturing the moment on film.  We walked into the Franklin Park Conservatory (where we had taken our youngest girls the day before to see the butterfly exhibit)...paid to get in...we found the most beautiful spot to exchange our vows!  We could not have planned any of the events to unfold better than they did so naturally!

Having only told our children and a few close friends prior to our surprise....we were met with some disapproval, but felt more than confident that God's plan is way better than man's understanding...and because He was ordering our steps He would continue to bless the process. I suppose you can find more than one person you can live with in this world, but when you find the person you can't simply live without..."carpe diem."  A few close friends made sure to go the extra mile to help us enjoy our day and first night together.  We were blessed!!  Our plan is to celebrate with a reception in June for all of you.  It will be, not only a celebration of our love, but a party to celebrate God's gift of friends like you!




Here are the fairy tales for your little girls!

Finding God

Many people do not "find God" in their life until they are put through a major "fire."

The Bible often compares trials to that of a metal refiners' fire burning away impurities. The silversmith knows when the silver is pure when he can see his reflection in it. The Lord uses adversity to build our character. The Bible says we go through the same trials Jesus did when He walked the earth.  We experience loneliness, rejection, criticism, temptations, stress, grief, abuse and many more trials. It is really tough to see ourselves as a precious gem to others let alone to God when we are walking through hard times. Even the best visionaries of the day can't see too far past their own circumstances.  A quote from author Rick Warren says, "What happens outwardly in your life is not as important as what happens inside you."  When you are changing on the inside you will know it. It might not feel the greatest at the time, but when you get to the other side you will be able to look back and see how all things...ugly as they appeared...were working together for your future good.  Baking ingredients eaten separately may not be that tasteful, but mix them together and you have a delicious treat as your end result.

Don't give up, remember God's plan is for your good, don't become bitter...become better...rejoice and give thanks for where you are headed.  Surround yourself with those who will build you up and strengthen you. We serve a God of miracles, second chances, new birth, and healing.  Don't be afraid to be moved by your spirit...that is God within you. We may never understand this side of heaven all the intricate details of life, but I believe everything we experience has a spiritual significance. Seek counsel from those who have gone before and have experienced your pain...and from those whom you would gladly trade places. When you are serious about "finding God" in your life you will not be disappointed by His blessings! He will pour them on, and you will be overwhelmed by His goodness!

Letting Go

Well...I am certainly no expert on this topic, but I do have a few thoughts based on my life experience.  One of the toughest concepts for me to grasp in life is that of "letting go."  Some of you have it down perfectly, and you run the opposite direction at the first sign of unhealthy behavior in people around you.  I applaud you.  At the same time you may even frustrate yourself because you think you have let go...too soon...before letting God do a mighty work in the lives of those you love.

So, how do we know when to let go and when to hold on? It took me a long time to realize that God did not need me to hold on in order for Him to do His work.  I could completely let go, and He would rescue me. My holding on did not determine the outcome.  It only prolonged my blessing from being fulfilled. When God takes something from your grasp He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14


In order to let go we must forget what lies behind and press forward.  We may not understand God's purpose, but He exhorts us to lean on Him, and He will make our path straight.  He promises to give us a hope and a future.  Scripture is constantly charging us to trust the Lord and wait patiently on Him. But, how do we know when we are really trusting Him?  You will know in your spirit when the Lord is directing you.  You will not have peace when you are away from His plan.  Your spirit stirs when you're not walking in the right direction...Your soul rests when you are. I am guilty of trying to help the Lord. I want to do everything in a hurry. I create the blueprint, lay it out, and ask God to finish it.  How He must shake His head at all my plans!

Continue praying for peace and keep walking away from any unhealthy situation you may be in. Don't try to help God. Trust Him and agree that you will wait and watch for His plan to unfold. Promise Him that you will open up your hands and let go so that you are free to hold on to His promise...to restore you and to bless you exceedingly abundantly above what you could ask or think. Before you know it, you will be faced with a new life abundant and free. Old things will be past away and all things will be new.  Your fear will be replaced with trust, and your insecurities replaced with new hope.  I have discovered that letting go is the same as holding on.  When we let go we hold on to the promise and not the problem.  

Letting go sometimes causes grief and pain.  These can seem like permanent feelings, but they're not.  Once we feel them and release them we actually journey to a better place then where we started. Feeling is actually how we let go. Suppressing our feelings and holding them in only keeps us in bondage to the pain. This process can be intense...but peace, acceptance and a new beginning are on the other side.  There is nothing more exhilarating than a new beginning...a new lease on life.  Hold on...it's coming, and you will soon be able to live through the spirit inside you. You will be a force of love, joy and peace that is free to experience the world through God's eyes. It's time to let it go...It will be o.k.

Love Wins

It sure doesn't feel like love wins on most days.  If your life has been anything like mine in the past...it often seems like the one with the most money wins, or the person with the most clever scheme gets all the perks. Those who lie and deceive get all the love.  In sports it's those "dirty" players that come out on top. As far as politics are concerned, well, it sure looks like Satan wins. It's all who you know, how many lies you can tell, how many people you can pacify, or who you can pay off.  In families the children who scream the loudest and throw the most fits tend to get whatever they want.

I started to really examine this concept and it's no wonder we toss around the phrase..."if you can't beat 'em..join 'em. Culturally, when we look at the big scheme of things, if we think we can't make a difference in the outcome...we do nothing.  We let the ones with the biggest bank accounts and biggest mouths decide for us.  In relationships we sometimes take what is dished out...even if it's not good for us.  If we are not careful we become the same way.  We learn to lie, cheat, and deceive because it seems to work for everyone else.  It is often the accepted way of doing things.....even in the God's house...sad as it is...but even sinners go to Church!

When we live life with the philosophy that love is not enough to conquer all...then unforgiveness sets in. We become bitter at those who have mistreated us, and we are angry at those that seem to have blessings they don't deserve.  What we must understand is that in their hearts they are empty.  They are searching for the next "high." The greatest earthly "high" comes from love.  Love that only can be given by God himself.  Begin loving everyone around you with your whole heart, and trust God that He will teach you how to love more than you feel capable.  He has already given you complete forgiveness for your past present and future sins...extend that forgiveness to others, and watch how He brings a love greater than life itself into your heart....There is no time to sit around and try to figure out something that you will never understand away. Let it go and let love come back around again. I took this next paragraph from a friend...unedited...she sums it up perfectly....

 "Forgiveness won't change the past, but it has the ability to change the future." Anger hurts you more than the person you are angry with... So it's time to stop being angry and remember in the end...life is very short and Love Wins!