Present Circumstances

"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start." Nido Qubein

If we could grasp a hold of this idea we might all just be a little more positive about life in general.  I think it's easy to look back on our past or take inventory of our present situation and get discouraged.  We may not like where we  have been...or where we are now, but we don't have to stay in either place. The problem is that most of us can't see how to change it.  It is also easy to fall in the trap of believing that success is for the chosen few.   But, really it is for all who choose!

It could be that a certain friend is successful because his parents had enough income to help him buy a car and go to college.  Maybe a lucrative business was handed down to a young man, and he had a ready made platform of clients to build on.  We often hear of athletes whose parents were athletes, preachers who come from dynamic fathers in the ministry, nurses and doctors who send their children into the medical field, farmers who teach their sons the the trade of agriculture, mother's teaching their daughters life skills...the list is endless.  I think it's honorable and downright rewarding for parents to pass on their knowledge, skills and influence to their children...if their child has grown to love the same line of work.  But, what if you weren't so fortunate?  No trade was  passed on to you...your parents were middle class or even poverty stricken...maybe, you did not have parents around to influence you at all?  This should not stop you from dreaming.  God has planted a skill, a talent, a desire and the tools to complete them in your very being.  If you will flip the coin and look at your starting point as an advantage instead of a disadvantage you will be the next great success story! It's an advantage because the measurement is by your desire only.

Success is not measured by what you accomplish or how much money you make.  It is not even measured by how you start.  Look at all the celebrities...lives of fame, fortune and success...but most remembered by the love they gave and the lives they touched.  Success is in the legacy you leave when your days on earth come to an end. You may need to start from scratch or be resourceful.  And, if you need to increase your energy level...begin with changing your diet and exercise.  Don't be afraid to work a little harder then you think others do, or even save a little more and spend a little less.  In the long run you will influence more people and become more skilled then you ever would have if your life were "just a little easier."

You have the ability to leave a gift to this world and to your children. You have the right to make a difference in history.  In fact, no matter how insignificant you think your existence might be...you are a part of making history and you were most certainly created to bring glory to the Creator himself!  You must believe in yourself or others will not. You are building a platform for your children to begin their legacy on.  They will soar higher because of your hard work.  Don't give up on your dream because it looks impossible.  Stop looking back...you are not going that way.  Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be...because you only have one life to do all the things God planted in your "hearts' desire" and ability to do.  Along the way, you will experience trials, sorrows, happiness, and love. It will all be a part of defining who you become and what you leave behind.  Don't let your present circumstances consume you to the point of no productivity.  You have a great deal to offer the world around you.  Start today...making a difference...for tomorrow! Your past didn't define you...it refined you.  Your present circumstances are just where you begin...and your future depends on you...I can't wait to see where you finish!

Whatever you do...just don't panic...there is hope for your future and with that hope comes peace!

Vows to Volcanic Eruption

In a second marriage there is little time for a honeymoon. Most couples jump right into family life full of children, challenges, financial woes and drama that already existed before their love was born.  I don't even want to know the rate of divorce for second marriages. I will not be included in that one. So, how do blended families survive chaos? (We plan to laugh a bunch, drink a lot of coffee and red wine and escape now and then...haha)

Well...I am glad to report I haven't experienced any real "volcanic eruption" since I said "I do", but I have heard a few stories of the challenges some families face when they merge two very different sets of circumstances together. I have been asked several times to give my thoughts on blending families in a second marriage.  While I can not give any physiological insight or even stories from years of personal experience, I can give you some thoughts from the "good intent" of my heart.  Ask me in a couple of months or few years down the road...and I may have an entirely different answer...lol...but so far, so good.  Actually, I should just be claiming victory in the name of Jesus...knowing this was His plan to begin with.  I keep pinching myself and thanking God daily for His gift of restoration in my life!  No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes along the way. Praise God...He is faithful to complete the "perfect work" He started in us!

Having only been married just over two weeks now...I am hardly an expert, so this is more like journaling on the topic rather than solid reasoning...Here is what I do believe.  When you remarry and bring your children together under the same roof it is important to treat them in the ways you always have and accept your children right where they are in their stages of development.  Life doesn't always afford us "comfort to change" on our own time frame.  However, we can be in tune to the love language of our children and help them to adjust within their comfort level. There may be changes you would like to make as a couple in raising your new family together. You can begin praying and sharing parenting ideas, in private, to help each other become the best parent possible. When you love one another with all your heart it is easy to love each others' children just the same. They are an extension of the one you love.  Being sensitive to the changes everyone must face is key, but being careful not to draw attention to negative behavior is, also, critically important. (We all get a little jealous of time spent with others now and then...it's actually endearing, I think) There is some truth in what you ignore will go away...not always...don't get me wrong...I am not advocating lack of consequences for disobedience...but, there are times that a child will take attention even if it's in a negative form. When that negativity doesn't get them the desired attention...it goes away on its' own.  I do believe that love conquers all and will indeed win in the end.  God gave you a second chance on love, and He will provide peace for your family. Be patient. When your children see the respect and love you and your spouse share it will be easier for them to come together and enjoy the journey. Solicit advice and helpful ideas from trusted friends.  There are many good sources available on the topic, too. Don't force what should come naturally. It is obvious when it is not working naturally.  I have already watched my own children go through changes in just a few weeks...changes of healing and hope for a brighter future.

We have encouraged our children to write out their thoughts and have shared with them that they are not being replaced in our hearts by our love for each other. We have been careful to keep to our same routines so that everyone feels comfortable. Making positive that they know...that neither parent takes the place of their own mother or father...has been part of our reassurance that they are secure. Sharing with them the joys of opening their heart to new and exciting experiences will create a safe and confident place for them to grow and learn to extend love to others. I also think much more is caught than taught. For adults, as well as kids, no matter how hard we try...sometimes our feelings just don't line up with what we know.  I so appreciate my husband for his quiet, peaceful love, respect, and admiration for me and for my girls. His wisdom and discernment encourage me daily. This type of example provides steady reinforcement of healthy relationships within our family.  If one parent is overbearing or has unrealistic expectations of the children it is harder for them to work through the change.

I believe children want the "family unit" back in tact...maybe it wasn't ever "in tact" to begin with, and they are searching for what they have never experienced.  Either way, it is natural to resist what you don't know but yet desire to have. Again, be patient. God is in the business of miracles, and when your heart is in line with His...He will show you great and mighty things!  It is safe to say that both you and your new mate are desiring a "fresh start." This fresh start covers more than just the way you are loved and show love.  I imagine, like me, you desire changes in your family, finances, spiritual walk, emotional and even physical health.  When you walk away from unhealthy patterns of the past you will naturally avoid "volcanic eruption" in your home because you are headed toward peace and away from drama.  Now, just because you steer clear of "volcanic eruption" in your home doesn't mean your family blending won't cause some explosion in those around you.  In this case...prayer and more prayer.  Not everyone will come on board or even be willing to support you.  Some people are definitely in your life for a season.  When the seasons change, so do people.  Life certainly isn't always easy and some decisions are tough to make.  When you find a partner whom you love and is willing to take their life journey with you...even the tough stuff seems a lot more bearable!  When discipline, parenting, dealing with ex-spouses or finances get sticky...remember to talk through everything, pray without fail and love one another every step of the way.  The problems of today are often replaced by new problems of tomorrow.  It's all in how you handle them that makes the difference.  When you say, "I do"....for the second time it often brings a whole new meaning to "death do us part."   For me...my past circumstances have created a deeper level of commitment than I ever knew possible. Hardship does make you stronger, wiser and more able to love those around you...if you let it.

 The Vow...great movie!

I vow to not only face but receive anything in this world with a belief that God has a purpose for it, faith that I will survive it, hope that life will become brighter and a love that overlooks wrong, transcends time and runs deep in my soul.

Just for fun...a great family fun series!